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December 5th, 2004

05:13 pm - The update you've been waiting for Okay. The current situation is this: I moved in with Mikael about two months ago. He initiated it. I've introduced him to my parents and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. We're planning to purchase a car, a bigger house and at some point, yes, to start a family. I'm very close to quitting my current job. I'm sick of it and trying hard to find something better, or at least to get paid on time. Um... That's about it. Iäm posting more frequently on http://turisti.blogspot.com and http://hellapoliisi.blogspot.com Both blogs are in my native Finnish, as most of you guys probably know. Anyways... Merry Christmas, everyone, and a Happy New Year, in case we don't meet for a while. Current Mood: busy

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September 13th, 2004

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August 29th, 2004

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August 17th, 2004

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August 14th, 2004

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August 12th, 2004

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August 9th, 2004

01:29 pm - WELL... If you were on a battlefield right now, versus everything... Name Gender MaleFemaleAnimalUnsureRather Not Say Age Lover or a Fighter? Fight for good or evil? For GoodFor EvilFor Neither Battle Cry Weapon of Choice Tactical Nuclear Weapons Appearance Dressed in Full Samurai Armour, flying using telekenetic powers Your Battle Cry... Is best left unsaid Foes slain upon first strike: - 43% What you fight Advertisers You fight.... For a paycheque This QuickKwiz by Ferggs - Taken 45800 Times. </a> New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology

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11:40 am - ... I went to Mikael's last night. I had something very different in mind, i.e. having a serious conversation, but in the end we just had a few drinks and watched the telly. I did manage to tell him that I haven't been quite myself lately and that I have had symptoms of my panic disorder surfacing after a long passive period. He seemed to understand. We turned in early, made love and finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning. He's on holiday now for at least two weeks, so chances are we see each other more often. I so wanted to tell him I loved him this morning, but couldn't bring myself to say the words. I'm afraid of jinxing things if I open my mouth and get too sentimental. I try to show him my feelings by actions rather than words, but I guess eventually I have to say it. But until then... Current Mood: calm

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August 7th, 2004

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August 5th, 2004

10:03 am - SALT WATER We went swimming last night. Took the boat after Mikael got off from work and headed off shore to this tiny island. The water was warm and the weather was lovely. It's been a few years since I last time swam in the sea. I know you can't really compare the Atlantic and our shallow Baltic sea, but all the same, I love the smell of salt water on my skin afterwards. I know it fucks up your hair and skin if you don't rinse it off, but I took my time and didn't get a shower until close to midnight. I'm itching like hell now, but even though I can only blame myself, it was well worth it. I have the night shift today... Don't feel a bit like going, but I guess I have to. I have hardly any days off during the coming three weeks. I hate it, but I guess it's only money. And sweat. And blood. Hopefully no tears. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: Don Johnson Big Band: Saltwater

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August 2nd, 2004

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August 1st, 2004

05:18 pm - o.O I know this one guy... He's not the one I love, just a guy I know. He sms'ed me today. In 50 characters he managed to freak me out totally. "I want to tie you down and fuck you until you die." That was it. Now how the fuck am I supposed to take that? I'm still trying to figure out whether to answer him or call the police. Current Mood: distressed

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July 31st, 2004

04:32 pm - MARATHON I'm physically torn apart. I cooked for Mikael last night. The dessert turned into a heated, sweaty marathon that lasted long into the small hours of the morning. Sure, I had the time of my life and was more than satisfied in every possible way, but it took its toll. I still haven't taken a shower and now I'm just plain smelly (is this the smell of sperm???), aching ruin of a human being. Yak. I know I shouldn't complain, but maybe I'm not fit enough for this kind of extravagant penetration marathon. I'm feeling flithy, not not just because of the current lack of personal hygiene. Current Mood: drained

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July 30th, 2004

12:58 pm Mikael called me around 6pm last nught and asked if I'd like to stay the night at his place. I was more than happy to stay up late and wait until he got off from work. I didn't even mind standing at the rainy bus stop soaking wet and cold. I wanted to see him. We watched One Flew Over the Cuccoo's Nest late at night and then went to bed. I felt so utterly happy just sleeping next to him. This morning when we woke up I told him I had been really upset for him to cancel his day off. -Our day off. He said he had heard it in my voice, although I had said that I wouldn't mind. But I suppose I had sounded a little irritated. After all, I was pissed off as hell... My clever, clever, love! We made love with the rain pounding on the window sill. He talked dirty and I did dirty things. I think I know know exactly what he likes and what turns him on and boy, am I going to use that information in the future. I love to make him feel good and I have never in my life given a shit about how it feels for the guy as long as I am satisfied myself. Now I don't really mind if I don't quite get there, as long as he comes and loves it. I'm afraid I might be turning into a romatic. Or that I might have grown up... That would be scary. Or maybe I just love him and that has smoothed out the rough edges of selfishness in me. Who knows. Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: Zen Café: Huonot päiväsi

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July 29th, 2004

03:42 pm - WHAT ELSE IS NEW? -Bad- You're the exact opposite of what any guy wants or needs, unless he happens to need a quick lay. You're cruel. You toy with people. You're probably a bitch, and i don't think i'd like you if i met you. Oh go screw a random male already. What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

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03:36 pm - CHANGE OF PLANS I was supposed to meet Mikael tonight, but he had been called up to work because of someone's sick leave. Bloody hell. Bought myself a bottle of wine and now I'm gonna go and drown my sorrows in it. Good luck to you all. Current Mood: depressed

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July 27th, 2004

06:31 pm - NIGHT SWIMMING Mikael callad around 6pm last night and asked if I'd like to go swimming with him after he gets off from work. I didn't have anything else planned, so I met him at his parents' after 7pm. we hopped on his bike and drove off to Sammatti. I know, it's a kinda long way to go just for a swim. But I think it did us good. When we got back late at night we made love for hours. It was very different this time. More affectionate and not just from my part. It felt goddamn magical. I've never had sex like that. Ever. With anyone. I still didn't tell him how I feel, but unless he's completely blind and utterly stupid, I think he understood. The way he looked at me wasn't just lust anymore. It was warmer. Either that or he's the best liar I've ever met. Afterwards we just laid on the bed talking. About cars. But that's the beauty of it with him. I feel so good about myself and my life that I don't need to hide behind the curtain of success and whatnot. I can be naked in so many ways with him and still feel good. I hardly feel secure yet, but I feel good and that's far more better than I would ever have expected. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Madonna: Justify my love

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July 26th, 2004

10:52 am - LOSING MY GRIP I went to see Mikael last night. We were both tired and so the conversation was a little forced. Went out for a stroll and met a friend of his. For some reason his friend started to talk about Mikael's ex-girlfriend and I felt very left out. I have no idea when exactly the two of them broke up, but if Mikael has been living in his house for year and a half now and that chick used to live with him... I don't know... It can't be that long, now can it? Makes me wonder if he's on rebound. I know I'm serious, but... I don't know. Mr. Volvo called me up last night. He wants to meet me. I don't know about that either. What he really wants is a blow job, not to meet me. And he's not getting head, not from me anyway, so why should I bother? Because he loves me? What a lame excuse. I'm tired of things not turning out the way I want them to. Nowadays it seems that I don't even know quite how I'd like things to be myself. I know it would be somewhat easier for me to just have a fuckbuddy and otherwise keep my life private, but I can't turn my back on Mikael just because dating is inconvenient for me. I love him and I don't want to hurt him. Besides I miss him all the time and that's a little strange given the fact that I find dating him hard and way too consuming. There's something seriously wrong with everything. Especially me. I'm 25 and I still cannot make up my mind. Current Mood: confused

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July 25th, 2004

04:01 pm - NO SURPRISE You are a dark goddess! Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You? brought to you by Quizilla

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July 24th, 2004

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